After sitting back and watching people marry and remarry and others are recycling their divorces, I found something to think about. This is the wedlock. Young men are yearning to marry while old men are throwing their wives into dust bins. Young ladies are in the malls window shopping for wedding gowns while the married ones are looking for hired goons to murder their husbands. So what is all this fuss about getting married when you will soon be miserable?
Getting legally married through a wedding is the ultimate dream of any young woman. Even though there are scores of men who wish for it, rarely do you find a man so engrossed in the thoughts of how he should wed. It is always a ladies’ thing. Even those married women who did not wed, they will always want to relive it through their daughters. That is why you will find them pushing their daughters to find a noble man who will withstand the shockers of having a wedding.
Marriage is said to be a sacred institution. However, the biggest question is what is it with this institution that people are walking in and walking out in equal measure? In fact, the rate of divorce nowadays is higher compared to engagement rate. People are crying foul in their matrimonial homes where a peaceful kind of life has become elusive. All that remains are ladies and gentlemen spending colossal sums of money on a wedding day and spending the rest of their lives filing divorce lawsuits. Even those who got married through come we stay arrangements are not spared either. When you visit the corridors of justice, you will find huge junks of files of cases where ladies are looking for upkeep money from their husbands. Single motherhood as a result of broken marriages has become a norm.
What happened to the good old days where people enjoyed marriage? After a serious thought about it I found that the main cause of these miseries is immaturity. Nowadays, the millennials are living a soft copy kind of life which does not allow them to become mature enough and hardcore for marriage like the way our forefathers and mothers used to be in order to understand the real meaning of wedlock. In the early days, women were taught by their mothers and grandmothers all the virtues of being a housewife including how to cook, wash and not forgetting “rock and roll”. These teachings were given over time and not just overnight a day before getting married off. Men were groomed from the first day after initiation where they were taught that to be a man you had to be a man enough. A man is not supposed to hover around the kitchen. He is the head of the family and thus he should fend for the family and offer protection.
It is this kind of informal education that built the pillars of a successful marriage. In the present day setting where google and soap opera rule the world, things are different. Women do not want to take care of their husbands because of equal rights while men have become irresponsible that they cannot support child upbringing.
Bringing up a successful marriage is not rocket science. It does not require mathematical formula or divine intervention. It starts from the basics. If you decide to get married you better be sure you are ready. Being ready is not as easy as it sounds. It will require a lot of sacrifice. It is a do or die situation. You have to burn bridges that link you to the comfort zone behind you and focus on one thing, your family.
When you get to bring your wife home or go to your husband for that matter, you have to realize that now your status has changed. If you want to last to your thirtieth anniversary, you better be faithful to your better half or perish. Even if you were the he-goat in the city, forget about it. Be the he-goat till when you are tired then get married otherwise you are doomed. Even if you were the “okoa jahazi” lady in the hood, you have to be sure that now you can handle only one man. You need to cut links with your past. As a man you have to know that now you will be the captain of the ship and decision making is critical and you to be firm in your actions.
Mutual respect is another key ingredient. There is nothing like “a know it all syndrome” in marriage. Remember that you are two people of different characters and beliefs coming together to reason as one. What is right for you may not necessarily be right for your partner. Their hobbies may not match yours and the level of your reasoning may never be at par. It is therefore hard to operate in a seamless way without having hitches. What all these means is that in several occasions you will have to sacrifice and compromise for the sake of your happiness. You will have to shape your ego If you expect everything to go your way then you should brace yourself for tough times ahead.
Money is not everything. I have seen rich men spending their nights in clubs and pubs. I have had of those who sleep on their couches for years while others spend nights in their vehicles. You could have money but with a partitioned bedroom. Do not be deceived, money does not make successful marriages. However, if it finds ready with love, money rocks like shiet!!!!!
The worst thing that can ever happen to is to find a partner who does not reason out and understand. Getting the right couple seems almost farfetched. That is why dating is recommended for the sake of filtering out the unwanted people and finding the one who matches at least fifty percent of what you expect, twenty percent of what you can tolerate, ten percent what you can pray about and twenty percent what you can let them win.
Do not walk in with a lot of expectations. Many people have been disappointed after they stepped in with the highest hopes. In fact, always leave a big room for regrets after you find out that what you thought is not what you found. Staying in marriage is not like dating where it will all be kisses and pizzas; instead there are times it will be “pisses” and abuse. You have got to be strong.
The biggest challenge comes in when you have children. Here, there is no turning back. You have to be a good example to your son and daughter. You have to be the best parent for you to have the best children. The only way would be being religious and setting your family on a foundation of belief in religious virtues. However, it does not matter how many prayers you say or holy books you carry, without the basics I have mentioned it will all be in vain. Mutual respect is mandatory, understanding your partner is vital, knowing what they abhor and what they like. At times sacrificing your happiness for their happiness will not kill you.
Hey you bachelor boy and single girl, go out there and look for your happiness. Be warned when making choices. If you are married and already facing storms, too bad for you, but it is not all lost. Go back to the basics and it will work out tremendously. And if it does not work out, change tactics but don’t give up.
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