Long ago, probably when you were still young, death was only for the chosen few. But unlike those days, today death is everyone’s cup of tea and a big cup for that matter. R.I.P, which has become the norm of the social media status with gruesome and handsome pictures of grisly death and lovely deaths trickling down in equal measure. When you were a toddler you probably thought that death was a fairy tale where only the aged people slept and visited heaven’s haven and would return some day. But as you grew up, reality dawns, death is real. People die, people die and people die. You can wash hands, drink safe water, avoid travel by roads and abstain from sex only to die from being choked by juice. Death finds you anywhere.
Many have written songs about it, so many books and stories too. Yet no one knows what it is. Everyone clings on what they have been told about somebody dying and becoming a spirit. You have been meant to believe that when you say rest in peace, they indeed rest in peace. This is fallacious of generation’s beliefs. No one has ever died and came back to tell us what it really is to die and rest in peace. Death is a virtual thing, it is a myth. It is like that silhouette that looks like a man when it really is a tree or look like a ghost when it is a stump.
It is normal for one to cry emotionally for the loss of their loved ones. People will do anything uncontrollably during this moment. Some will want to seek solace in others to console them. That is why you will find so many R.I.Ps on Facebook. Not because you are being informed but because a heart somewhere is seeking for sympathy and empathy. Unfortunately, until that day Facebook owners will create a “mourning click button”, people will still continue to “Like” it that your loved one has died.
One needs to know and appreciate that death is normal. It is a natural phenomenon that God put in place in order to maintain the equilibrium between the earth’s resources and those who live in it. Therefore, you are only supposed to mourn for a short period of time and life goes on. It is dangerous to keep a grieving heart indefinitely since this can pull and break you down into pieces.
Prolonged periods of mourning have their own repercussions. You may end up stressed and later depressed. Such states of denial could result to you attracting diseases such as hypertension or high blood pressure so to say. By doing so, you automatically put yourself on R.I.P list and the “Like” button will be eagerly waiting for you.
Most of the time when you lose a loved one, you will hear people telling you words such as “my condolences” and “Be strong” or if they are kind enough “God is with you”. All these words as much as they have a temporary comforting effect, they are all nonsense and they mean nothing since they have been said billions of times and their comfort don’t last. People will tell you “be strong” but they don’t tell you how. One thing you need to know is that what you are going through is an emotional break down and not a rugby game where to be strong you have to stretch muscles harder. Therefore, just being told to be strong is not enough.
Different people have different ways of handling stress, depression or just call it emotional breakdown. For some, a day is enough while for others you will find them twenty years later they are still mourning. It does not matter how much you loved this person, the bottom line is, you have to know how to accept what you cannot change. Weeping for ages is self destruction since it denies you the little chance you would have enjoyed your life. Yet even that person you are mourning does not know you are mourning, and even if they know, how do know they? No one will ever die for you when they are alive. Therefore, there is no need to die for them when they are dead.
So, how does one handle this? This is the test of a lifetime. First, you need to accept that they died and let them bury themselves while you also wait to bury yourself. In fact this should be a reminder that life is too short and you need to enjoy it to the fullest because you could be the next one on line. Second you need to surround yourself with friends who are celebrating life rather than the disillusioned friends who will infect you with their mental instability virus. Look for friends with positive energy who will tell you a new business idea a day after burial of your wife because life goes on. How will you feed your children if you grieve for a lifetime?
This is the time when you need to do what you like the most and passionate about it. If you like eating, well this is the time to gormandize. If you like nature walk, this is the time you kissed an Eland in the bush and take a selfie with a Zebra. If you like travelling, let the fare be the limit. Go far away, travel like Vasco da Gama and discover your true self. This will revive your energy and bring out the new you after this storm.
When you go back home, celebrate their lives and what they lived for and not mourning why they died because again tomorrow another person dies if not you. For how long will you live miserably mourning the dead? You only live ones. Let the dead bury themselves and let life go on.